Happiness is often a matter of perspective and choice, and yet, we often forget that we have the power to say no to certain things that drain our joy.
As Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a follower of mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve learned that saying no can be a powerful tool for happiness.
It’s about setting boundaries, prioritizing what matters most to us, and most importantly, protecting our peace of mind.
In this article, I’ll share with you the 8 things you need to start saying no to if you truly want to be happy in life.
Remember, happiness isn’t just about saying yes to joy, but also no to what brings us down. It’s a journey I’ve walked myself, and it’s made all the difference.
Let’s get started.
1) Overthinking
As a mindfulness practitioner, I’ve come to realize that overthinking is often our own worst enemy.
Overthinking is like a hamster wheel in your mind, going round and round without getting anywhere. It keeps us stuck in the past or anxious about the future, robbing us of the joy of the present moment.
The truth is, happiness often hides in the simplicity of the present moment. But when we’re caught up in overthinking, we miss out on these simple joys.
We all have a tendency to overthink from time to time. It’s part of being human. But when overthinking becomes a habit, it can seriously impact our happiness.
Saying no to overthinking isn’t about ignoring your thoughts or burying your head in the sand. Rather, it’s about recognizing that not every thought requires our attention or reaction.
Mindfulness helps us to create some distance from our thoughts, allowing us to observe them without getting caught up in them.
2) The need to please everyone
As someone who’s navigated the pressures of starting a business and building a community around mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve learned a crucial lesson: You can’t please everyone, and that’s okay.
We often compromise our own happiness in an attempt to make others happy. But here’s the thing: No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. And in the process, you might lose yourself.
The renowned mindfulness expert, Jon Kabat-Zinn, once said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” This is particularly true when it comes to managing expectations and dealing with criticism. You can’t control what others think or say about you, but you can control your reaction to it.
Saying no to the need to please everyone isn’t about being selfish or uncaring. It’s about recognizing that your happiness matters too. It’s about setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being.
3) Attachment to material possessions
Buddhist teachings often emphasize the impermanence of worldly possessions, and for a good reason.
We live in a culture that encourages us to chase after material wealth, leading us to believe that happiness can be found in the latest gadget, the fanciest car, or the biggest house. But this is a fallacy.
The truth is, attachment to material possessions is a surefire way to breed dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Why? Because material things are fleeting. They break, they get lost, they go out of style. And when they do, the happiness we derived from them goes away too.
What’s more, the more we have, the more we want. This constant craving for more can lead us down a path of never-ending dissatisfaction.
In Buddhism, this is known as the cycle of Samsara – a continuous loop of desire and dissatisfaction.
When you’re caught up in the desire for more, pause for a moment and ask yourself: Do I really need this? Will it truly make me happy? Or am I simply caught up in the cycle of desire and dissatisfaction?
Happiness is not found in things, but in us. Let’s cultivate it from within.
4) Being busy all the time
In our fast-paced world, being busy has almost become a badge of honor. We equate busyness with productivity, and productivity with self-worth. But here’s a raw truth: being constantly busy does not equate to happiness.
Mindfulness teaches us the importance of slowing down, of taking time to simply be. It encourages us to savor the present moment, rather than always rushing towards the next thing on our to-do list.
Being constantly busy means we’re always living in the future, never fully experiencing or appreciating the here and now. This can lead to stress, burnout, and ironically, less productivity.
Saying no to being busy all the time isn’t about being lazy or unambitious. It’s about finding balance. It’s about understanding that rest and relaxation are not only necessary for our physical health but our mental and emotional wellbeing too.
If you find yourself caught in the busyness trap, take a step back. Start saying no to unnecessary tasks and obligations. Make time for rest, for play, for simply being.
5) Living with a bloated ego
In my journey as a mindfulness and Buddhism practitioner, and in writing my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I’ve learned the importance of keeping the ego in check.
The ego is a part of us that seeks recognition and validation. It’s the voice in our heads that tells us we’re better than others, or conversely, that we’re not good enough. It’s the part of us that takes things personally and gets defensive when challenged.
However, an unchecked ego can often lead to unhappiness. It separates us from others, creates unnecessary conflict, and stands in the way of personal growth.
Saying no to living with a bloated ego is about embracing humility. It’s about understanding that we’re all interconnected and that everyone has something valuable to offer. It’s about being open to learning and growing, even when it challenges our preconceived notions.
6) Holding onto grudges
Here’s a harsh truth: Holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It only hurts you.
In Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a path to liberation. It’s about freeing ourselves from the burden of resentment and anger. It’s about letting go of the past so we can fully embrace the present.
Holding onto grudges keeps us stuck in the past. It fuels negative emotions and creates a barrier to our own happiness.
Saying no to holding grudges isn’t about excusing someone else’s behavior or forgetting what they did. It’s about choosing peace over bitterness. It’s about acknowledging the pain, learning from it, and then letting it go.
If you’re harboring resentment towards someone, consider this as a sign to start letting go. Embrace the liberating power of forgiveness and free yourself from the chains of resentment.
Remember, in the wise words of mindfulness expert Thich Nhat Hanh, “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” Let’s choose freedom.
7) Living in constant comparison
In our social media-driven world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of constant comparison. We see the highlight reel of others’ lives and measure our own worth against it. But here’s a raw truth: comparison is the thief of joy.
The Buddha once said, “Do not compare yourself with others. No one can play your role better than you.” In other words, each of us has our own unique path to walk in life, and comparing our journey to others’ only leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Saying no to living in constant comparison isn’t about burying your head in the sand or ignoring what’s going on around you. It’s about recognizing that everyone’s path is different. It’s about celebrating your own progress and achievements, rather than measuring them against someone else’s.
As the Buddhist saying goes, “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
8) Chasing after constant happiness
This might sound counterintuitive, but one of the things you need to start saying no to, if you truly want to be happy, is the pursuit of constant happiness.
Mindfulness teaches us to accept all our emotions—positive and negative—as part of the human experience. It’s about acknowledging our feelings without judgment or resistance.
When we chase after constant happiness, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Why? Because life is full of ups and downs. It’s an ever-changing landscape of emotions, and that’s okay.
Saying no to chasing after constant happiness doesn’t mean embracing negativity. It’s about accepting that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. It’s about understanding that true happiness isn’t about feeling good all the time, but about finding peace amidst the chaos.
As mindfulness teaches us, peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise or trouble. It means to be amidst those things and still be calm in your heart. Let’s strive for that kind of peace and happiness.
Conclusion
In our journey towards happiness, it’s important to remember that saying no can be as powerful as saying yes.
By saying no to these eight things—overthinking, the need to please everyone, attachment to material possessions, being busy all the time, living with a bloated ego, holding onto grudges, living in constant comparison, and chasing after constant happiness—we open ourselves up to a more authentic, peaceful, and joyful life.
Each of these points is a step towards living with maximum impact and minimum ego – a philosophy I delve deeper into in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.
Happiness isn’t just about adding things to our lives—it’s also about letting go of what no longer serves us. And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do for our happiness is to start saying no.
Here’s to embracing the power of no and finding our unique path to happiness.